Not the Time, Not the place
by Stealth Dragon
Summary: Sheppard's illness has put him in a bit of a pickle, and it's Rodney to the rescue... sort of.


Not the Time, Not the Place

By

Stealth Dragon

Rating – K+

Disclaimer – I'm writing this for fun. I don't own Stargate Atlantis or its characters. So it's pointless to sue me.

Synopsis – John's fevered state has put him in a bit of a pickle, and it's Rodney to the rescue... Sort of.

A/N: I've been having trouble with my one-shots lately. I have a lot of ideas that always seem good at the time, then I attempt to put them in writing and end up despising them, thus not giving them an ending, though I am trying. This one was something I'd been pondering for a bit, and decided to write it since it wouldn't be that long. Plus I figured out an ending for it, unlike my other one-shots.

SGA

Life Signs detectors incomprehensibly rocked. The lone white dot slowly emerging onto Rodney's screen was the monumental X marking the spot. His quarry was just around the corner, and if that quarry ran, all McKay had to do was follow.

Not that he wanted to. The corridor where his quarry hid was unfamiliar, therefore unexplored. Unexplored hallways were bio-hazards in wait with all the potential labs and unfinished projects that could be lurking further along. Oddly enough, even to McKay, he didn't mind. Number one being he had no intentions of entering any potential labs. Number two being all vindication toward Sheppard was already underway. The moment he found the lunatic pilot, pictures would be taken. Rodney had his camera all ready tucked safely in his pocket.

McKay gulped back another rising need to giggle. In a fit of fever born delirium, Sheppard had taken off during the night naked – buck-freakin', day he was born, they call him the streak naked. He'd been stripped of all apparel to cool him down and too out of it to realize otherwise, according to security feeds of various parts of the inhabited corridors he'd flitted through in all his bare-assed glory. They'd lost him when he'd taken to the uninhabited parts. Carson had been panicked, Dr. Weir bewildered. Teyla worried, Ronon mildly amuse, and McKay nearly passing out more than once from trying to stifle the laughs.

It wasn't supposed to be a funny situation, actually. Sheppard was delirious because he was ill, ill because of infection, and infected because of some heavy-handed locals who panicked first then asked the questions between punches, kicks, and other unpleasant forms of abuse. Sheppard was found only after the team had found each other and called in back-up. The locals were quite the bad-asses when picking on a single person. The arrival of a puddle jumper and several armed marines initiated an immediate surrender along with several of the supposed bad-asses passing out. All the more sweet in terms of revenge. They'd pounded Sheppard to quite the pulp and then some. Any more blood lost and Sheppard would have needed a direct transfusion from a donor, which would have emptied that donor dry.

McKay fought the need to laugh but allowed a grin. He tapped his radio until the com crackled.

" Elizabeth, unless we have some kind of infestation I don't want to know about, I think I found him."

" Be careful Rodney," Elizabeth said. " Dr. Beckett thinks Colonel Sheppard might still be delirious, maybe even dangerous."

Rodney stopped and dropped his grin. Leave it to Carson to stifle all hopes for some fun. " The last I heard, it was delirious without the danger. Is Carson purposefully forgetful or does he enjoy trying to make life more interesting? Maybe I should wait here until the calvary arrives. Preferably the calvary with stunners."

" Negative Rodney, you need to stay on Sheppard's trail."

Rodney slumped. " Easy for you to say. You're not the one several feet away from the naked lunatic who knows fifteen different methods of breaking my neck. If the next time you hear from me and I'm screaming, it's probably because I have a nude Colonel chasing me down with the intent to kill."

" Rodney lad," Beckett jumped in, " don't be such a wee lass about this. When I said dangerous I meant he might shove ya down or sock ya in the eye. Delirious or not the lad's goin' ta be weak as a newborn foal so I doubt he'll do ya any real harm."

Rodney scowled into the shadows of the corridor. " Should I survive, you and I are going to have a long discussion concerning your metaphors when it comes to how 'weak' Sheppard is. You know good and well the only time he's harmless is when he's sedated. Rodney out."

Rodney curled his lip in a resolved sneer and pressed forward closing in on his quarry and hoping the quarry didn't turn into the predator. He mentally kicked himself for not bringing a stunner. The flashlight cutting a beam of light through the darkness was pretty hefty. A good clock on the head by the thing should bring Sheppard down, although Rodney wasn't sure it if would be worth being chewed up and spit out by Beckett afterwards.

Rodney slowed when Sheppard's dot moved uncomfortably closer to the vicinity of Rodney's dot. Rodney swung the light around that sharpened shadows rather than dispelled them. There were plenty of places for Sheppard to hide – behind pillars, within alcoves, within overhead piping and walkways. Rodney's heart started to pound. A drop of sweat detached from his hairline and tickled along his neck and down his back making the muscles twitch.

Rodney gulped then cleared his throat. " Sheppard?" he squeaked, and honestly hoped he hadn't been heard.

" Rodney?"

Rodney jumped with a yelp and whipped around facing the source of the voice that had sounded right beside him. A dark haired head flitted back behind a bubbling pillar against the wall creating a dark little niche between the pillar and corner. The edge of a pale shoulder and bicep peeked from behind the concealment, along with a single big toe.

" Geez, Sheppard!" Rodney hissed, pressing his hand to his heart and sucking in several deep breaths until his heart stopped trying to tenderize itself.

Rodney heard a shuddering inhale. " Sorry." Sheppard's voice was small and hoarse. " You alone?"

Rodney took another couple of breaths. " Yes, I'm alone."

Spiked hair emerged first, followed by a single hazel eye. In that lone eye McKay saw panic that was awfully close to the panic Rodney had seen over the feed of Sheppard about to be fed on by the wraith. Panic skirting the edges of the panic that had slipped from Sheppard's normally rigid control during their escape from Duranda. Except something about this panic seemed a little more timid, like a kid fearing reprimand from dad when he got home, or a kid trying to hide from the oncoming gaggle of bullies and their intent for more cruelty.

The bully thing Rodney had a better understanding of, which in turn created a twinge of pity he tried to shove away. The camera bulging from his pocket, pressing against his hip, knocked aside his attempts as his intent for the camera was officially making him the bully.

" A-anyone coming?" Sheppard whispered.

Rodney huffed out a sigh. " No, not yet. Listen Colonel, why don't you just come out from there so I can drag your naked butt back to the infirmary..."

" You know I'm naked?"

" Yes I know, so can we go now?"

" Do you know why?"

Rodney tossed up his hands in exasperation. " Do I know why you're naked? Because you're psychotic, that's why. Now crawl out of there already. I'm hungry and I want to get back before hypoglycemia has me speaking gibberish."

Sheppard made no move to come out, and for a moment said nothing. Rodney stiffened in nervous anticipation for another episode of delirium that would either send the Colonel running from Rodney, or at him.

" Um..." Sheppard finally said. " C-could you... um... Do you think that maybe you could find me some pants? Or a sheet... or something first?"

" No time. Beckett wants you back in the infirmary now so he can give you a shot in the ass with the biggest needle he has."

" Come on, McKay. Just a sheet. Hell, I'll settle for a towel. Please?"

That was new. Sheppard never begged. He insulted and cajoled, but never begged. Rodney kept a wide berth as he moved around to shine the light directly into the niche where Sheppard had packed himself. The sudden illumination made John flinch and shrink deeper into his hiding place trying to escape that light. He looked pathetic huddled without apparel in that narrow space, legs pulled up to his chest and his arms tucked tightly behind them. His skin was so pale he could have glowed in the dark, and the shadows under his eyes so vivid they looked like the sockets of a skull. He was also slick with enough sweat to start forming a puddle on the floor, and shivering because of it. But what really stood out was all the bruising and cuts – black and white and red all over, from his face to his legs. Rodney had thought the two nastiest bruises to be on Sheppard's chest and ribs. He never saw the one taking up the majority of his hip, which explained all that limping.

Sheppard gave Rodney a sickly smile and a tiny wave with a trembling hand. " Hey Rodney."

Rodney rolled his eyes, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. " Yeah, hi. Can we go now?"

Sheppard pressed his lips together and squinted his eyes in careful thought. " Mmmm, no."

" Mmm, yes. You don't have much of a choice here, Colonel. You can either come with me or I can get Ronon, Teyla, Dr. Weir, Dr. Beckett, and about half your marines down here to help me..."

Sheppard stiffened so hard and so fast his back thumped against the wall and his skirting panic became full-fledged. " No! No you can't..."

" I can and I will if you don't get out here _now!_"

Sheppard seemed to collapse into himself and intensify his shivering. " Come on Rodney. Boxers, a towel, whatever you can find, please? I didn't mean to come out here. Hell, I don't even remember coming out here. I was having this dream, looking for you guys, in the woods, with wraith everywhere, and when I woke up I was here and... Well... like this. Didn't I drop any of my clothes nearby?"

" You didn't drop any of your clothes. Your fever was so high Beckett stripped you down to sponge you off it hopes of lowering your temperature."

Sheppard furrowed his brow. " Then why don't I feel hot. I'm freakin' freezing."

" It interchanges between the two. Look, if I find you something to cover up with, will you come out?"

Sheppard nodded enthusiastically. With another exasperated sigh, Rodney shrugged off his jacket and tossed it into Sheppard's niche. John caught it, and without unfolding his body wrapped it around his waist keeping hold of the two ends along his thigh.

Rodney folded his arms and began tapping his foot to further push the fact that he was getting impatient. " All right, you're covered, I will not go blind and you will not be tossed into the brig for indecent exposure. So let's go. Come on, hurry up..."

John braced his back against the wall, then with a grunt and a grimace used it as support in inching himself upward to his feet. The struggle made his legs shake as though about to give out. His whole body was shaking, and he was panting like a rock climber having finally reached the top. Except Sheppard hadn't reached any kind of apex and seemed unable to climb any further. He gave McKay a combination pleading look and sheepish smile.

" Um... I think I'm in need of a little help here."

Rodney drummed his fingers on his arm considering whether to call in Beckett to bring in a gurney. They may have been in an uninhabited part of the city but it was a part not too far from civilization, and a gurney would spare Rodney having to touch any part of Sheppard's sweat-drenched, fever hot, disease ridden skin. Sheppard caught on to Rodney's mode of thinking as the pleading and abashment turned all pleading complete with the Sheppard secret weapon of fear-filled puppy-dog eyes, which made him look even more pathetic and helpless.

Rodney narrowed his own eyes as a silent testament to his utter annoyance and that Sheppard very much owed him one from here on in. He walked over to the incapacitated pilot and took him by the arm, tugging him from the niche. Sheppard stumbled out and Rodney had to use both hands to grip his arm and steady him by having John lean against him. Deep muscle tremors made John's arm vibrate beneath Rodney's hands. Even leaning against Rodney Sheppard was still having a hard time keeping his legs from giving out.

What really got Rodney's attention was the lack of heat coming from John's skin. Fine and dandy any other time as it meant the fever had let up. However, McKay didn't need to be a physician to know that Sheppard feeling ice-cold to the touch was a big resounding bad. The empty parts of the city tended to be nippy as the heating and cooling units were never turned on in this section to conserve power. Slather a skin with a solid coating of sweat and one had the biological equivalent of a vacuum sucking up every molecule of cold air into the flesh. Not being a physician, McKay couldn't tell if Sheppard was going into hypothermia. Neither was he going to take chances.

" You ready?" McKay asked. He draped one arm across Sheppard's back to hold him up by both an arm and the shoulders.

Sheppard nodded, his teeth clacking and his breath heavy but unsteady. Rodney pressed Sheppard more tightly against his side in a kind of hug, and he both pushed and pulled Sheppard along. Rodney was really wishing he'd called Beckett. Not that Carson would have arrived by now but they at least could have met him halfway. But Beckett was in another part of the city where it was believed Sheppard had last been seen, and it would take at least fifteen minutes for the highland physician to hurry his sheep herding butt over to this section. Living quarters weren't that far anyways.

Rodney's hand kept trying to slip from John's slick shoulders, and his hold of Sheppard became more tenuous halfway to their goal when Sheppard's legs refused to function properly forcing Rodney to take most of the Colonel's weight – and for a skinny SOB who 'supposedly' had lost a few pound unnecessarily thanks to his recent illness, he certainly didn't feel like a light-weight. Rodney changed tacts slipping his hand under Sheppard's arm. He felt the pilot stiffen, then the man's heart start ramrodding in his chest, and the going went totally rough when Sheppard attempted to pull away while Rodney continued to pull.

" Colonel!"

" _Rod – ney_!" Sheppard's voice was nothing more than a squeak between clenched teeth. Rodney glanced at Sheppard's face to see a twisted expression of pain, and realization finally smacked him upside the head.

One of Sheppard's three nastiest bruises was on the ribcage Rodney was pressing his hand into.

" Oh son of a...!" Rodney returned his hand to John's shoulder. " Sorry."

John groaned wearily in reply.

Rodney chewed his lip uncertainly. " Almost there." Which wasn't a lie. Rodney knew what he was doing, sort of, or at least in terms of knowing where they could go. Blue darkness and black shadows ended like entering another country of bright lights and living plants. Rodney had them turn down the next hall, and hefted Sheppard along three doors down until he reached the fourth. With his hands presently occupied, Rodney kicked at the door.

" You better be home. Zelenka! Zelenka, open up before you force me to bypass your lock and break in. I know you're in there because you're pissed at me and refuse to work in the lab, but this is an emergency. I've got Sheppard and he isn't gonna last much longer so you need to let me..."

The door swished open.

" In."

Zelenka stood on the other side looking wide-eyed between McKay and the shivering, half-naked pilot.

" Oh dear."

McKay brushed past Zelenka, through his quarters and straight on into the bathroom. He deposited John on the floor of the shower, snatching the jacket away last minute before turning on the water to let the shower spray Sheppard warm. Rodney rolled up one sleeve to keep a hand on Sheppard's shoulder, and remained crouched to watch and wait for the shivering to subside. He reached out behind him with the other hand to snap his fingers at Radek.

" I need towels, and a blanket, and for you to contact Beckett, now..."

Rodney felt the cottony softness of a towel placed in his hand, and heard Radek's mumbling voice speaking over the com. As soon as Sheppard's trembling subsided and his skin was no longer arctic to the touch, Rodney shut the water off and moved fast in drying Sheppard off, then wrapping the towel around the pilot's waist before hauling the barely lucid Lt. Colonel from the shower to wrap him up in the dark green blanket Radek had set on the toilet lid. Radek joined Rodney in hoisting Sheppard to his feet for a quick shuffle to the bed where they laid him out. Zelenka draped another blanket over the Colonel. Rodney, exhausted, slid down the side of the bed to lean against it and breathe out a sigh of relief.

Zelenka stood back with his eyes doing another ping-pong impression going between the two men until finally settling on Rodney.

" Will he be all right?"

Rodney scowled wearily. " Do I look like I sacrifice goats for a living? I'm not a doctor." Still, he turned his head and craned his neck back for a look at Sheppard's face. The man could barely keep his eyes open, but was trying all the same for some inane reason that was starting to irritate McKay.

" Oh will you just sleep already!"

A tired, placid smile spread on John's face. " Thanks... McKay."

Rodney turned away and waved a limpid, dismissive hand. " Yeah yeah."

Radek folded his arms and leaned the small of his back against his cluttered work desk. " Why did you not take him to the infirmary? Would have saved him the trip."

Rodney craned his neck again for a second look. John had finally drifted off, comfortable, peaceful, safe and warm. Also pale, sunken eyed, hollow-cheeked, and bruised. There were times to take advantage of a situation, and situations to take advantage of. Knocking on Sheppard's door after he'd gotten out of the shower and waiting until he stepped out with only a towel hiding his nether regions, then having the door shut behind him by remote was a time and a situation. This time and this situation were neither. Dragging Sheppard's vulnerable, battered, sickly body through the halls of Atlantis for the entire city to see was a recipe for humiliation and not of the humorous, good-natured kind. McKay couldn't have done that to Sheppard. Rodney only enjoyed moments of Sheppard embarrassment when Sheppard was capable of letting it slide by being able to retaliate.

So the camera remained in his pocket.

" Despite what you may believe, Radek," Rodney said, letting his head fall back against the mattress. " I _will_ do what I think is best for others. I wouldn't have been able to drag John that far, he wouldn't have been able to walk that far, and I wasn't going to leave him in the halls on display. The less crap he goes through right now, the better."

Nine minutes later, Carson arrived with a gurney and some of his staff. A quick run through of John's vitals – heart, respiration, and blood-pressure – revealed John to be sleeping as peacefully as he looked. The frantic rush diminished to a gentle crawl as John was carefully lifted, still wrapped, from the bed onto the gurney and wheeled into the infirmary. Rodney followed, as did Radek, who clasped McKay on the shoulder.

" You're not such an ass after all, McKay," Zelenka said, all smiles.

Rodney just rolled his eyes and muttered insults concerning Czeks and delirious fly-boys under his breath.

SGA

Rodney had a death grip on his towel around his waist as he rummaged through his empty drawers.

" Clean clothes, clean clothes, why the _hell_ don't I have any clean _clothes_!"

Of course, he knew why. Off world trips created excess laundry, and algorithms and Ancient tech kept him from transporting that laundry down to the laundry room. This wasn't the first time it had happened, just the first time where all present clothes had gone beyond their expiration date for being worn more than once. One shirt in particular Rodney was certain was one day away from cultivating a nice collection of fungus. A pair of rather dirt-stained trouser was probably sprouting a microscopic civilization.

A knock on his door made him straighten and still like a deer before oncoming headlights.

" Who is..." his voice cracked like a prepubescent's. He cleared his throat and tried again. " Who is it?"

" McKay, it's John, open up."

Rodney's grip on his towel tightened. He broke from his alarm to up his search into a frenzy of tossing dirty clothes about just for a pair of tolerably scented boxers.

The hiss of his door opening made him go rigid again. He fought the urge to whip around and confront Sheppard who was probably holding a camera or video or... He whipped around anyways when the need to rant about invasion of privacy and juvenile humor overwhelmed him. Turning had him face to face with Sheppard, who was holding out a freshly laundered and folded pile of clothes to him.

" I've come to discover," he said, " that you have a tendency to forget the little things, so I took the liberty."

Rodney looked at the pile, then at Sheppard. The man's mouth wasn't even trying to twitch into a smirk. John pushed the clothes against Rodney's chest until Rodney finally gathered them under one arm.

" Uh... Thanks."

John stuffed his hands into his BDU pockets and shrugged in poorly concealed discomfort. " It's just... You know... Sucks being caught with your pants down. Sucks even more having no pants what so ever."

Rodney nodded pensively. " Too true."

Sheppard backed out of the door, giving Rodney a small wave before leaving. " See at breakfast, McKay."

The door slid closed when Sheppard was gone. Rodney just stood there, then made a mental note to remote control Zalenka's door shut instead.

The End

A/N: Just a silly little fic with a heart-warming side. If fics seem in short supply from me, it's because – as I said at the beginning – I'm having some trouble with the one-shots. I'm also working on two original works off and on, as well as planning out my next chapter SGA fic. Don't expect it to come out anytime in the immediate future. That'll make three stories I'll be working on, and working on at my leisure. I really need to get some of my original stuff done so I can have more stories up for publishing purposes.


End file.
